Software Banter Enthusiast Gifts

'Programmers at a cocktail party.'

Hiding the electronics.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'I don't care what the Hares have. Dial-Up is good enough for us!'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"You are still here."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

The Smartass Phone

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"My owner used me irresponsibly and now I have a virus."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

AI Summit

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it' met its match.

The Art of Bantering!

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."