Software Banter Enthusiast Gifts

'Programmers at a cocktail party.'

Hiding the electronics.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'I don't care what the Hares have. Dial-Up is good enough for us!'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"You are still here."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

Robot Robber

AI Summit

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"My owner used me irresponsibly and now I have a virus."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."