Computer Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'I can't find the 'any' key...'

Closing Laugh, Computer Office

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I don't care what the Hares have. Dial-Up is good enough for us!'

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

Terry had a computer bug.

Hardware and software

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

"You are still here."

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

'Mom, I need a push.'

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

Robot Robber

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

Internet Shoplifting

AI Summit

'We'll have Bubba here check to see if we've idiot-proofed your computer.'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

"It's amazing! There's even a place to put your beer!"

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

Caveman to wheel inventor: 'Nice invention - how do you boot it up?'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'