Computer Comedy Enthusiast Gifts

System been down long?

"Before you soak your monitor in that soapy water, I suggest doing some research on how to properly clean it."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

'I don't care what the Hares have. Dial-Up is good enough for us!'

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

Terry had a computer bug.

Hardware and software

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

"You are still here."

'...And, from what I understand, they don't have any hard drive at all.'

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

"I just tweeted a chirp."

Try again - Your password has to include barks, growls, whines and at least one yap.

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

'Mom, I need a push.'

Robot Robber

"What burns my bottom about www.dazoosucks.com is that we capitalized them."

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

AI Summit

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"The Internet puts the world at your finger tips."

"When they said I'd been replaced by A.I. I'd imagined something more SOPHISTICATED!"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

"It's amazing! There's even a place to put your beer!"

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

"Here's a blues number written about my inability to remember computer passwords."

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'