Software Gifts

'Funny, really. They always click on 'install' without reading the license agreement.'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

"Just one more site!" "I'm totally, like, in control!" "I can quit anytime I feel like it..."

"Some good predictive analytics software would have really helped us avoid this mess..."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

After the upgrade, crashes were far less frequent and seldom fatal.

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Hi, this is Bill Gates. Time to buy some new software."

'Of course things change: our fathers were replaced by machines - we'll be replaced with new software.'

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

"Please wait while I load up software you'll never use and stick random icons all over the place."

'My computer is very slow to start up today. Do you think it's because my old operating system is no longer supported by the manufacturer?'

"Do you still refuse to run pirated software?!"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

Home Business - Accounting Software.

OBSOLETE: Any piece of software or hardware that you bought last week for mega bucks.

'If you want to talk to the IT service, please press 00101101100111001101110.'

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

'I'm worried, the software that can replace me is becoming more affordable.'

'You've been working with computer software too long, Timpleton.'

"Like, hello? nothing's wrong with the software. You hit delete. If you want to answer prayers, hit send."

Cloud Computing.

'I think your firewall is turned up too high!'

'Try rebooting.'

'Remember, the best things in life are free - for the first three months.'

'The computer mentions 'virus' but I'm not sure whether it's in the software or you.'

Hardware and software

'Our computer teacher must be real old. She remembers using Windows 3.1.'

"Definitely time for an upgrade."

'The buck teeth, the thick glasses, the white socks, the pocket protector.... You're a software pirate, aren't you?'

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'