Software Gifts

'Funny, really. They always click on 'install' without reading the license agreement.'

'Tech support says your anti-virus software did not catch the problem since it is not a virus. It's a bacterium.'

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

"Just one more site!" "I'm totally, like, in control!" "I can quit anytime I feel like it..."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Bob soon began to hate his new anti-spam software.

"Some good predictive analytics software would have really helped us avoid this mess..."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

After the upgrade, crashes were far less frequent and seldom fatal.

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Hi, this is Bill Gates. Time to buy some new software."

'Of course things change: our fathers were replaced by machines - we'll be replaced with new software.'

OBSOLETE: Any piece of software or hardware that you bought last week for mega bucks.

Home Business - Accounting Software.

"I want one that detects intrusions by hackers, then blows their computers to bits!"

'If you want to talk to the IT service, please press 00101101100111001101110.'

"Do you still refuse to run pirated software?!"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'My computer is very slow to start up today. Do you think it's because my old operating system is no longer supported by the manufacturer?'

"Please wait while I load up software you'll never use and stick random icons all over the place."

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

'I'm worried, the software that can replace me is becoming more affordable.'

"Like, hello? nothing's wrong with the software. You hit delete. If you want to answer prayers, hit send."

Cloud Computing.

'You've been working with computer software too long, Timpleton.'

'Try rebooting.'

'Remember, the best things in life are free - for the first three months.'

'The computer mentions 'virus' but I'm not sure whether it's in the software or you.'

'I think your firewall is turned up too high!'

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

Hardware and software

'The buck teeth, the thick glasses, the white socks, the pocket protector.... You're a software pirate, aren't you?'

"Definitely time for an upgrade."

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"