Sofa Dweller Gifts

"I wonder which will come first. Me finishing this binge worthy Netflix series or another Netflix rate hike."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

The Art Student.

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

In case of emergency, break glass.

Big screen TV.

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"I won't be in today, I'm feeling a little under the coffee table."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

"'Well done' lulled him into complacency."

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

''Surprise' starts with an 'S', Wilkins! You're in the wrong drawer again!'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

Wifi whore

"Arianna Stassinopoulos Huffington should write a book about you!"

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

Student Food Pyramid

'I've noticed that no matter how busy you are, you are never too busy to stop an talk about how busy you are.'

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"The WiFi password is: 'buysomethingorgetout'."

"Quit your whining... Someday you'll appreciate affordable student housing."

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.

The weightless office.

A menu with risks and benefits

"Remember, son, no matter what happens to you, we intend to always keep your room at home exactly as it is right now...empty."

Al, The Go-From Guy

My comfort zone

Paper being carefully folded until it resembles a scrunched up paper ball.