Sociophobe Gifts

Speech bubble escaping

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"It's not the persistent lack of sunlight or freezing temperatures that bother me - it's the crowds I can't stand."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

"By labeling it, I control it."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

Grandma's caf

"No one uses Facebook anymore. I'm on this new thing called make-believe."

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

'Your 'marriage' invention sounds good, but what if it leads to a concentration of power for the central government?'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"GPS? In my day, a newcomer learned to find his cubicle by memory."

High speed cinder block

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

All-Purpose Obamatoon

Max Weber

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

"Tarzan no want computer."

'Enjoying a snifter of brandy by the fire...'

Facelook

#notblessed

'After analyzing 5 petabytes of Facebook data and 800 million tweets we were able to conclude that our customers are idiots.'

"I had to hire younger employees to keep up with today's technology and social media."

Facebook/Cambridge Analytica Scandal

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

"Sorry -- The doctor is out -- But we have like 10 influencers available."

Psychology Clinic. Most potent example of solipsism I've ever seen --- he follows himself on Twitter.

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

Fake News

But It's So Easy

You can have your privacy back, as soon as I've finished showing it to everyone