Society Commentary Gifts

"The trick is to fall through the right cracks."

Liposuction Drive Thru

No Leaders

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

"Mother Nature never gave me the chance to become a footballer. I want to file a discrimination lawsuit."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Oligarchy

"You know, there are other emojis."

The Cougher

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Lori, go ahead and toss in 'Lolita.' Now, what's next?" "We'll need more lighter fluid." "'The Lottery' is devils work." "We must protect the children." "Book burning club"

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

Armageddon

"National Metaphor Day by the looks of it."

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Same Sex Marriages.

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'