Societal Norms Satirist Gifts

'Hi Dad... The good news is I've finally found a job...'

"Oh my god! I'm 40 and unmarried...the hands on my biological clock are giving me the finger!"

The prying mantis,

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"I'm after the history section."

Inhospitality tent.

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"God help us, it's that guy."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

Wine tasters...

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."