Social Norm Comedian Gifts

'You shouldn't call them 'perverts', it's considered offensive.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

Victorian woman at a bar.

"It's very sensitive of you to realize that men like to get flowers!"

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"I feel like such a failure...I'm almost thirty five and I should be on husband number two, and starting my third career choice by now!"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

'-and stop saying 'who's carrying who over the threshold?''

A Woman Asking The Father's Permission To Marry His Son.

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"Sorry, these are saved."

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

"You mind if I smoke?"

"We've been trying on religion to see if it fits, and it does."

Sign Reads: Loiter At Your Own Risk.

"Hey, you can't cut in line like that! - Who do you think you are?"

'Just who the heck are you to decide who's naughty or nice? Quit trying to impose your ideas of morality on everyone else!!'

"Since you don't know how to play house, you can be the dad."

'What are they all staring at - have I got two heads or something?'

"You've had to be kind to survive, and I've had to be nasty."

'Are you sure you want the party sub? I mean are you sure? Are you buying it for someone else or something???'