Social Norm Comedian Gifts

'You shouldn't call them 'perverts', it's considered offensive.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

Victorian woman at a bar.

"I feel like such a failure...I'm almost thirty five and I should be on husband number two, and starting my third career choice by now!"

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"It's very sensitive of you to realize that men like to get flowers!"

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

It says, "In lieu of gifts, please consider a donation to the automaker of your choice." Invite!

'-and stop saying 'who's carrying who over the threshold?''

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

A Woman Asking The Father's Permission To Marry His Son.

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"Sorry, these are saved."

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"You mind if I smoke?"

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

"We've been trying on religion to see if it fits, and it does."

Sign Reads: Loiter At Your Own Risk.

"Hey, you can't cut in line like that! - Who do you think you are?"

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

'Just who the heck are you to decide who's naughty or nice? Quit trying to impose your ideas of morality on everyone else!!'

"Since you don't know how to play house, you can be the dad."

'What are they all staring at - have I got two heads or something?'

"You've had to be kind to survive, and I've had to be nasty."