Social Norms Satirist Gifts

Punch waiting to board a train.

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

"Disgusting! Those two just took a roll in the hay!"

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

"Yes, one is a dog."

The prying mantis,

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I'm after the history section."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Inhospitality tent.

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

Wine tasters...

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

"This is my 'country house.' I also have a duplex in the city."

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

Pizzas