Social Rule Satirist Gifts

Latest science behind social distancing advice

The prying mantis,

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

"Yes, one is a dog."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I'm after the history section."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Inhospitality tent.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'I'm Anna Nicole Smith. But not THE Anna Nicole Smith!'

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

Wine tasters...

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

Pizzas

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

"This is my 'country house.' I also have a duplex in the city."