Societal Norms Ponderer Gifts

'Didn't think I even wanted one. I blame it on my biological cuckoo clock.'

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Dog Dressed to Eat

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"He appears to be evolving differently to us!"

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"If being normal is so natural.....why is it such a strain?"

"I feel like such a failure...I'm almost thirty five and I should be on husband number two, and starting my third career choice by now!"

"He must be very secure in his masculinity."

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

'Believe me, son, she's a much better choice for you than that skinny girl, Cinderella!'

'The effects of aging are inevitable. Either accept it, or inject it.'

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

"I think they want you to leave it outside."

"Since you don't know how to play house, you can be the dad."

"You've had to be kind to survive, and I've had to be nasty."

'What are they all staring at - have I got two heads or something?'

"Hey man, there are certain things called unwritten laws."

What are YOU looking at!?!?

'So unladylike!'

Woke Christmas - Consent form hanging next to a bunch of mistletoe.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

'No, this isn't my son, the doctor. This is my other son, the one who didn't make much of himself.'

'Are you sure you don't want to marry me just because I'm a woman?'

Guy comes to a funeral service with a bag of fried chicken.