Social Slip-up Aficionado Pillows

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? It's been a little while since I read a social cue."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

The Bland Leading the Bland

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Mmm..I haven't worn this tie since the firms 1997 dinner and dance..."

"You have it backwards. When you're having an online meeting, you're supposed to look good from the waist up."

"You might consider new socks as well."

"Man's best friend with benefits"

'Bob, you're suffering from embarrassing static cling.'

"It's not a cummerbund. It's my underpants."

"Be careful what you say, Senator. Putting your foot in your mouth greatly increases the risk of athlete's gum."

'I would've dressed better, but my tie was dirty.'

'What do you mean, I don't match? Everything I'm wearing is wrinkled.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Dang it! My pants must've shrunk in the dryer. . . Ok. . . who's responsible for shrinking all of my slacks?!!'

"I know, but my mom knitted it for me."

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

"You wear a necktie with a suit jacket and white socks with brown shoes?? The guy who shot you did it absolutely right!"

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Embarrassed man finds a skimpy dress in his suitcase.

'This is a bit awkward, but we'll have the chicken.'

"I was proud of you tonight. You were just hostile enough."

'On The Face Of It.'

"So you didn't get the neck-a-chief memo?"

The Burger and the Whopper.

And today's winner of a special place in Hell is...Guys who wear bikini style bathing suits to the beach...

'Apparently the car pool has a dress code I was not aware of and so now I have to take the bus like some idiot.'

'Well my problem is that I can never tell if a girl likes me or not.'

"You'tll scare people to death dressed like that." "What people?" "Well, me for starters!"

'He wears a SPEEDO? - Divorce GRANTED!'

"I never know what to do with my hands at a party"

"Must you create a scene every time the bill arrives?"

Social Agonies.

"This is my first job interview, so I'd like to apologize for my tie not matching my flip flops."

'Stay for dinner? Are you sure? - We don't want to wear out our welcome.'