Social Realist Gifts

'These newly redundant bank employees have got a lot to learn.'

"A few of us are going out later to pretend like we're having a good time if you'd like to join."

'I used to sit in the lap of luxury. Then luxury stood up.'

"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own..."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

A.M Gorky

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Good news, Mr. Blume! Your condition isn't serious - just expensive.'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

More Unequal Than Others

"I'm not particular, I'll take any job that will replace a human."

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

"Monogamy? In this economy?"

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Happiness is more important than money,but it is easier to count money."

'That does it. . . Little Freddie is not going to law school! He's going to become an oncologist, Mary a gerontologist and Stevie a pharmacist! We'll be covered!'

'Kids, come quick! Santa's been here and he left all kinds of super expensive, super cheap stuff!'

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

"Life is full of transitions...like from student loan to credit card debt."

How coal creates jobs