Social Realist Reader Gifts

A.M Gorky

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"We'll always have Paris..."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

Marriage least expected to last...

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

A Zircon Is Forever

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

Unconditional Loveseat

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"My computer just texted me."

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

"Forget about flowers, trust me, bring her honey: It's a sure way to one's heart..."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'