Sober Realist Gifts

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

A.M Gorky

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"I'm making an effort to limit my dependence on foreign vodka.

"My name is Andrew, and I need a ride."

'Well at least we know there's no chance of either of us being over the drink-drive limit!'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

"About time!"

Japanese disaster

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

Turkey...cold turkey.

"It's time once again for Jesus to chase the money changers from the temple."

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

Drink kills.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

"I'm getting not-so-subtle hints of Dry January remorse, envy and resentment."

Joe experiences a profound, life-changing moment of clarity, but it simply can't compete with the cool informercial he was watching at the time.

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

"You know what I miss? Those lazy, crazy, hazy days when we were drinking."

Designated Drivers Area

"Me? I'm really scared and sad these days..."

'I dreamed I joined a twelve-step program.'

'These newly redundant bank employees have got a lot to learn.'

Snorting lines of the road on the way to rehab.

Hospital Checkout: Have a Guardedly Optimistic Day.

"I am as sober as a judge, but I will need you to blow into this to prove it."

"How's your dry January going?"

'I used to sit in the lap of luxury. Then luxury stood up.'

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."

Designated driver at a party.

Spin the Bottle on Student Drinking

One day Bob Hope to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

"I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own..."