Sober Living Gifts

'I dreamed I joined a twelve-step program.'

"Dry January?"

"You know what I miss? Those lazy, crazy, hazy days when we were drinking."

"How's your dry January going?"

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

"I'm making an effort to limit my dependence on foreign vodka.

'Well at least we know there's no chance of either of us being over the drink-drive limit!'

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

Real Hopscotch: 'A 12-Step Program for the addiction to scotch.'

"About time!"

"My name is Andrew, and I need a ride."

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

Turkey...cold turkey.

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

Drink kills.

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

"I'm getting not-so-subtle hints of Dry January remorse, envy and resentment."

"This Dry January thing is going to be a real challenge."

'I'm on the wagon.'

Designated Drivers Area

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

'Do you find it easy not to think about alcohol?'

"Sometimes I think, why am I here? What's the point?"

Snorting lines of the road on the way to rehab.

"I am as sober as a judge, but I will need you to blow into this to prove it."

Elf on the Wagon

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

"Honestly, it felt like Dry January was never going to end."