Sober Storyteller Gifts

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."

Deaths from Coronavirus

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"It's amazing how smoothly Kipper and I get along together..."

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

Grooming: Make sure your pony is securely tied.

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

How's your job at the stables? -I'd better dash my work is piling up!

"So how did 'DRY JANUARY' go?"

'Bad news, Billy Bob! The tests show that your phantom is a contagious equine meteitis carrier.'

"About time!"

'Well at least we know there's no chance of either of us being over the drink-drive limit!'

"OK, you have your assignments for today, and remember, safety first: Ensure the kids wear their riding helmets..."

Fork reading newspaper

"My name is Andrew, and I need a ride."

Turkey...cold turkey.

'I had a tough childhood. I was abandoned on a doorstep.'

Drink kills.

P.S. Please Excuse Scribble

"Call me a dreamer, but I see a world in which I give speeches without pants and find myself in the final exam of courses I never signed up for."

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

"You have no idea what I've been through."

'What is it with mares and Iberians?!'

'Hey Gloria, what's with the springs?'