Sober Storyteller Pillows

"He used to read him stories but now he just tells him how great he feels since he stopped drinking."

Deaths from Coronavirus

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

It is a good idea to start by learning how to mount your pony.

Mister Oedipus.

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

Philip Kindred Dick

"It's amazing how smoothly Kipper and I get along together..."

Oat Cuisine in Horse's Nosebag

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Grooming: Make sure your pony is securely tied.

Fork reading newspaper

'Well at least we know there's no chance of either of us being over the drink-drive limit!'

"About time!"

"OK, you have your assignments for today, and remember, safety first: Ensure the kids wear their riding helmets..."

"So how did 'DRY JANUARY' go?"

'Bad news, Billy Bob! The tests show that your phantom is a contagious equine meteitis carrier.'

"My name is Andrew, and I need a ride."

How's your job at the stables? -I'd better dash my work is piling up!

Turkey...cold turkey.

'I had a tough childhood. I was abandoned on a doorstep.'

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

'Hey Gloria, what's with the springs?'

'What is it with mares and Iberians?!'

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

"Call me a dreamer, but I see a world in which I give speeches without pants and find myself in the final exam of courses I never signed up for."

P.S. Please Excuse Scribble

No caption (A man who looks like the figure in the painting The Scream is standing in front of the painting plugging his ears).

"You have no idea what I've been through."

The fairy godmother made a coach for Cinderella out of a pumpkin! Bill. That's nothing. Some guys made a car for me out of a lemon!