Sober Socializer Pillows

Designated Drivers Area

'Well at least we know there's no chance of either of us being over the drink-drive limit!'

Quiz Night...

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

"Right it's decided! We are both sober for October and Stoptober. Then Movember and Decembeard and Dry January, then..."

"I finally lost a few ounces with my activity tracker. I took it off."

"Would you like to be notified by text when I'm bored and want to go home?"

The Devil's advocaat.

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

Getting old...

'She's spring cleaning and you?'

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

Will Make You Sick So You Can Go Home.

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

"Every bar has its obnoxious drunk."

"About time!"

'I wish my wife would stop playing mind games with me. I'm tired of losing.'

Turkey...cold turkey.

It's called 'Pretentious.' It tastes like crap, but it's $100 per bottle!

"Summer may be ending, but thankfully wine is year round."

'Could you put me into an induced coma for four weeks?'

'Well I'd love to stay and chat, but this is one of those 'get things done' days.'

Drink kills.

Official Whore Artist/Official Piss Artist

"David! It's only trendy to drink beer straight from the bottle!"

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."

'Mrs Gridlington doesn't like being referred to as 'duck' or 'dearie'...so I just call her 'the old trout'!'

"You know what I miss? Those lazy, crazy, hazy days when we were drinking."

"Maybe we should change the name of the parish to something cool, like the Protestants do and add a coffee bar."

'I'm going to have a few drinks with the guys...don't wait up for me.'

Bar. Don’t apologize for calling me a porpoise … Heck, I thought you were a crocodile!

'For a laugh I decided to have a potato chip tattooed on my arm - but the thing about potato chips, you can never stop at just one!'