Social Media Hermit Gifts

Mortimer J. Hackworth: 'Offline forever.'

"Twitter followers, twitter followers. . ."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

Sci-Fi Museum. New Exhibit. H.G. Wells War of the Worlds. In 1938, Orson Welles broadcast "War of the Worlds," a radio drama about aliens from Mars invading earth. The radio drama was presented as a series of fake news reports about devastation caused by the invading aliens. Many listeners turned in to the program mid-roadcast and thought the news reports were real. Widespread panic ensued. Wow! Orson Welles caused all that panic with a radio program. Just imagine what he could have don

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

Connected to Technology.

"No one uses Facebook anymore. I'm on this new thing called make-believe."

'I'm old enough to remember when smiley faces were right side up.'

"No annual raises, but I will 'like' all your hard work on Facebook."

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

Talent, pluck, or plain dumb luck?

So that's it? I've tweeted a risque photo of my bicep. What happens next? We wait for the outpouring. I'm ready. Bring on the outrage. C'mon media! Let's hear your disgust that some old man would brazenly send such a lascivious photo. Then, with the world looking at me, I'll astound them with my idea of a universal health care system! Wait. Wait. Not yet. it's time for my first nap of the day. Can we do this later? What? Zzzzz. Best way for this to end.

'After his web site got going we bought this 5000 sq. ft. home, but he never leaves his computer.'

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

'Enjoying a snifter of brandy by the fire...'

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

Like.

Facelook

#notblessed

'After analyzing 5 petabytes of Facebook data and 800 million tweets we were able to conclude that our customers are idiots.'

"I had to hire younger employees to keep up with today's technology and social media."

Facebook/Cambridge Analytica Scandal

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"Sorry -- The doctor is out -- But we have like 10 influencers available."

"Apparently, he's been trapped in his cubicle since 1944. Do you want to tell him World War II is over, or shall I?"

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

Psychology Clinic. Most potent example of solipsism I've ever seen --- he follows himself on Twitter.

Cable Bill.

Fake News