Social Expectations Pillows

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

Dog Dressed to Eat

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Now at this point reality intruded."

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

"Ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a fireman."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

Psychiatry. My dad doesn't appreciate how hard it is to follow in his footsteps

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"Sorry, these are saved."

'Well, what did you expect?'

'You could give it to your mom with a huge Valentine card.'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

Sign Reads: Loiter At Your Own Risk.

Yummy Mummy.

'We've decided to give the baby a great start in the job market by naming him Doctor.'

"Hey, you can't cut in line like that! - Who do you think you are?"

"You mind if I smoke?"

"We've been trying on religion to see if it fits, and it does."

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

"Since you don't know how to play house, you can be the dad."

"You've had to be kind to survive, and I've had to be nasty."

'What are they all staring at - have I got two heads or something?'

Male nudist whistles at a woman in a bikini.

Me at 22 vs. me at 29

Nekkid Ladies