Social Expectations Gifts

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

Dog Dressed to Eat

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"I thought there would be bacon here."

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Now at this point reality intruded."

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'We can't serve you the businessman's lunch because you don't look the business type.'

"Everything I know about being human I learned from animals."

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

"Ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a fireman."

"Sorry, these are saved."

'Well, what did you expect?'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

'You could give it to your mom with a huge Valentine card.'

Sign Reads: Loiter At Your Own Risk.

"Hey, you can't cut in line like that! - Who do you think you are?"

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

'We've decided to give the baby a great start in the job market by naming him Doctor.'

"You mind if I smoke?"

"We've been trying on religion to see if it fits, and it does."

Yummy Mummy.

"Since you don't know how to play house, you can be the dad."

"You've had to be kind to survive, and I've had to be nasty."

'What are they all staring at - have I got two heads or something?'

"No you weren't disturbing us, we were just having sex."

Male nudist whistles at a woman in a bikini.

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'