Societal Expectation Gifts

"Ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a fireman."

Dog Dressed to Eat

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"I thought there would be bacon here."

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

Unrealistic expectations tend to lead to disappointment. . .

"Now at this point reality intruded."

"It looked better on pinterest."

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'Well, what did you expect?'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

Yummy Mummy.

'We've decided to give the baby a great start in the job market by naming him Doctor.'

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

"Since you don't know how to play house, you can be the dad."

"You've had to be kind to survive, and I've had to be nasty."

'What are they all staring at - have I got two heads or something?'

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

"Sorry, my mind was wandering. Were we complaining about today's youth, the government or the weather?"

Why Do We Always Want Something Better For Our Children Than What We Had For Ourselves?

"I got what I wanted, but it wasn't what I expected."

"I'm a wunderkind slash flop."

A woman imagines growing a beard.

If you give a mouse a fancy pillow.

Nobody keeps his personal life to himself anymore phobia. 'Seems like everone's coming out of the closet!'

"Oh, my! Is that really me?"

'My wife made me join a bridge club, I jump off next Tuesday!'

Folie á Trois.

"Gee, I'd be lost without your constant peer pressure."

Couples compare their ambitions for their future children.