Societal Expectation Gifts

"Ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a fireman."

"I thought there would be bacon here."

Dog Dressed to Eat

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

Unrealistic expectations tend to lead to disappointment. . .

"Now at this point reality intruded."

"It looked better on pinterest."

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

Psychiatry. My dad doesn't appreciate how hard it is to follow in his footsteps

'Well, what did you expect?'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

'We've decided to give the baby a great start in the job market by naming him Doctor.'

Yummy Mummy.

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"Since you don't know how to play house, you can be the dad."

'What are they all staring at - have I got two heads or something?'

"You've had to be kind to survive, and I've had to be nasty."

"Sorry, my mind was wandering. Were we complaining about today's youth, the government or the weather?"

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

Why Do We Always Want Something Better For Our Children Than What We Had For Ourselves?

"I got what I wanted, but it wasn't what I expected."

"I'm a wunderkind slash flop."

If you give a mouse a fancy pillow.

A woman imagines growing a beard.

'My wife made me join a bridge club, I jump off next Tuesday!'

Folie á Trois.

Nobody keeps his personal life to himself anymore phobia. 'Seems like everone's coming out of the closet!'

"Oh, my! Is that really me?"

"Gee, I'd be lost without your constant peer pressure."

'You'd better come with us, Sir.'