Social Expectation Navigator Pillows

'Do you remember Paul Waterson? He was in your class at school.' - 'Vaguely, yes.' - 'He got married last year and they had a beautiful baby girl last week. His parents are just thrilled!' - 'Oh, right.' - 'You're holding up the show. Capiche?' - 'Eh?'

"Lenny?" "Darrell?"

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"It looked better on pinterest."

"Ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a fireman."

"At Ermbruster Academy you son will acquire indispensible life skills."

'This is a simple proclamation-of-lack-of-interest date.'

'Explain to us, son, how gaining nine A levels is uncool and damages your street cred.'

'Well, what did you expect?'

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

'I usually don't do online dating.'

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

"I really like smart women."

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"I thank you guys for a wonderful time—and for giving me the opportunity to access some laughter!"

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

Yummy Mummy.

'Nobody likes me. I need a media advisor.'

"Buffering... buffering... buffering..."

'Hey Bob, I'd like you to meet my-'

"Maybe quarantine was better?!!!"

Evil Pusskins#3

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

Why Do We Always Want Something Better For Our Children Than What We Had For Ourselves?

"I got what I wanted, but it wasn't what I expected."

"I'm a wunderkind slash flop."