Family Expectations Navigator Pillows

"Well, I'm not a doctor but..."

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"It looked better on pinterest."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"...Mom, can you get me a glass of wine?"

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

"Wet wipe?"

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

'Eddie's mom has nerves of steel. She didn't send me home 'til almost four.'

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

"The penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law..."