Social Etiquette Analyst Pillows

"Who just shows up without calling?"

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

'I certainly phoned SOMEBODY and said, honey, I'm bringing home a guest for dinner!'

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"How much do you tip your genie?"

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

A guest departing a party.

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

"I got my ticket for three dollars over the Internet. Are you going to eat that salmon?"

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

'On The Face Of It.'

'Put away that damned smartphone!'

"Our dog took the most beautiful—" "Okay! Thank you, that'll be all!"

Procedure - A Fact.

'Stay for dinner? Are you sure? - We don't want to wear out our welcome.'

"Oh gosh, have I been talking too much again?"

"This seat is reserved for the rest of my legs."

"Once you've stood up for one actor, you're not allowed to sit back down for the next."

"Larry, please, can you give me some space? Like, five miles?"

"My name's Troy, and I'll be your server tonight." "My name's Fred, and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon." "I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason."

Manspreading.

"I'm putting you on speaker - it's essential for everyone to hear our conversation."

"Would you please stop saying 'That's a no-brainer'!"

"Well, it was nice to see all of you."

"Hit it. I'm hungry."