Social Etiquette Expert Pillows

Procedure - A Fact.

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Hipsters"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"I will have the riesling, and a thimble of your best pinot noir for the little lady."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

Let's shake on it.

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

Ladies' Game

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"He must have picked that up at the kennel."

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

"How about fashionably never?"

"Please try to look as though you are enjoying it. The waiter keeps giving us funny looks."