Social Etiquette Strategist Pillows

'I certainly phoned SOMEBODY and said, honey, I'm bringing home a guest for dinner!'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"How about fashionably never?"

"Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to say how much I hate your dress."

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

"Don't stare at his massive claw... Don't stare at his massive claw...

"Donald, you’re in the C-suite now. No more smiley faces or exclamation points."

"Would it decrease my chances of getting a five star rating if I were to ask you about your political views."

Business relationships are tricky. While a handshake may not always seem enough, a hug is always too much.

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

'Sorry! I thought nobody would notice.'

"How much do you tip your genie?"

"Actually write thank-you notes to my best customers with a pen and paper? But I wouldn't have spell check!"

'Hah, he bowed lower than I did.'

How Dogs Identify Themselves in Upscale Neighborhoods.

"Goodbye and have a wonderful day!" "Ugh! Don’t tell me what to do, okay!?!"

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

Captain asking lady to dance

"He came out from behind his desk. We got 'em."

A guest departing a party.

"Remember, it could spoil the whole evening if you mention the smell of decomposing flesh coming from their basement."

"I got my ticket for three dollars over the Internet. Are you going to eat that salmon?"