Social Etiquette Advocate Pillows

'Put away that damned smartphone!'

"Excuse me - I'm trying to have private conversation here!"

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"I will have the riesling, and a thimble of your best pinot noir for the little lady."

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

Let's shake on it.

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

Ladies' Game

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

"He must have picked that up at the kennel."

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

"You rang, m'lord?"

"Please try to look as though you are enjoying it. The waiter keeps giving us funny looks."

"..and this is where his lordship holds his balls and dances."

Victorians playing croquet.