Digital Etiquette Analyst Pillows

"Don't you hate it when you meet a woman, there's chemistry, things are going great... and then just a few wrong words wreck it all? I met this amazing woman. It was love at first sight. ...That's when she asked me if there was anyplace nearby where we could grab a drink. Wait... You're saying she ruined it? I just can't be with someone who's not smart enough to Google things for herself."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Remember, I want to hear fifteen solid minutes of small talk before you ask for the Wi-Fi password."

"Hey, it's me. I just sent you a text message responding to your e-mail saying that I should IM you."

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

'It was embarrassing. While I was taking up their cell phones, my cell phone rang.'

"I'm not repeating the specials again until everyone puts down their phones."

Sunday Sermon: Let he who has not sinned cast the first blog.

"This tone means the battery is low. This one means you've just driven over a pedestrian. And this one indicates that someone sitting near you in a coffee shop is about to grab your phone and stuff it down your throat!"

This problem began in the 1950's...

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

'I told you never to Facebook, Bebo, Hotmail, Yahoo, MSN or phone me at work...'

"Ignoring LinkedIn requests is the new 'get lost'."

"Before you go through the gates of heaven think back to the early days of the internet. Did you ever visit or post anything homophobic, racist or sexist? Tell me now or I will find out."

"That time you realized your hashtags were longer than your message. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethingsWrongHere #spiritual-awakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #wontSome-bodyThink-of-The-Children?" "ERROR: You have exceeded the number of characters allowed." "That time you. #irony #wow #epiphany #wakeupCall #lesson #stopthat #omg #thwarted #notgood #somethings-WrongHere #spiritualawakening #myword #ohlawdy #wthigh #seriously? #

Would it be rude if I didn't follow them all back?

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

Modern methods of reading over someone's shoulder.

''How am I?' Tsk, you people who don't do facebook! I've got to make up a status update especially for you, have I?'

'Twitter or tweet-free?'

Online vs. Offline Behaviour

Tweet Others As You Would Have Them Tweet You.

'Put away that damned smartphone!'

'Will that be the constantly looking down at smart phones section or family that talks to each other section?'

"So what do we do when we can't say anything nice about someone?"

"He just called without texting first. How can he be 23 and still not know how a phone works?"

"Stop hitting 'Reply All.'"

Mobile Bans

Cat informs owner someone unfollowed her on social media.

"Who just shows up without calling?"

Queen at computer screen searching friends re: you knighted site.'

"Well, it was nice to see all of you."