Social Etiquette Analyst Gifts

"Who just shows up without calling?"

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"Generally, when we go around the table sharing what we're grateful for, we just *say* it, Jerry."

'You're not supposed to kiss everyone, Mr Jenkins.'

'I certainly phoned SOMEBODY and said, honey, I'm bringing home a guest for dinner!'

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"How much do you tip your genie?"

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

A guest departing a party.

"I got my ticket for three dollars over the Internet. Are you going to eat that salmon?"

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

''How am I?' Tsk, you people who don't do facebook! I've got to make up a status update especially for you, have I?'

'On The Face Of It.'

'Put away that damned smartphone!'

"Our dog took the most beautiful—" "Okay! Thank you, that'll be all!"

"Oh gosh, have I been talking too much again?"

"Once you've stood up for one actor, you're not allowed to sit back down for the next."

"Larry, please, can you give me some space? Like, five miles?"

'Stay for dinner? Are you sure? - We don't want to wear out our welcome.'

"This seat is reserved for the rest of my legs."

"My name's Troy, and I'll be your server tonight." "My name's Fred, and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon." "I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason."

Procedure - A Fact.

Manspreading.

"I'm putting you on speaker - it's essential for everyone to hear our conversation."

"Would you please stop saying 'That's a no-brainer'!"

Human Cull: People who don't thank you when you hold the door open for them.