Modern Etiquette Analyst Gifts

"Well, it was nice to see all of you."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

Let's shake on it.

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

'Are you a footballer?'

'Do you have to slurp while you eat?'

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

No Pontificating in the Bean Bag Chair

A guest departing a party.

"Darling, you're going to have to text our son to ask if he wants some potatoes."

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

"You can't do that, Scott – this is Chicago."

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

'It's a new idea - a cell phone booth, where people can talk privately without disturbing others.'

His text said, I challenge you to pistols at dawn, and I replied, C U there, and he replied with a thumbs-up emoji – Do I have to reply to that?

''How am I?' Tsk, you people who don't do facebook! I've got to make up a status update especially for you, have I?'

'On The Face Of It.'

"All my sophisticated payment apps say the same thing - it's your turn to pay."

"I'm going to tell the Wagners we can't make their party. Is sending a drone in our place proper etiquette?"

"May I have this dance, Miss?"

'Put away that damned smartphone!'

'Stay for dinner? Are you sure? - We don't want to wear out our welcome.'

"My name's Troy, and I'll be your server tonight." "My name's Fred, and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon." "I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason."

"Larry, please, can you give me some space? Like, five miles?"

Handy Pre-made Notes for Modern Life

"You're embarrassing yourself again Edward. If you want a bigger wine glass, just ask the waiter."

Procedure - A Fact.

Boy Laughs At Man Who Has Fallen Down.

Human Cull: People who don't thank you when you hold the door open for them.