Modern Etiquette Buff Gifts

His text said, I challenge you to pistols at dawn, and I replied, C U there, and he replied with a thumbs-up emoji – Do I have to reply to that?

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

Let's shake on it.

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

"Donald, you’re in the C-suite now. No more smiley faces or exclamation points."

"Not at the table."

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"Actually write thank-you notes to my best customers with a pen and paper? But I wouldn't have spell check!"

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

'Hah, he bowed lower than I did.'

How Dogs Identify Themselves in Upscale Neighborhoods.

A guest departing a party.

"He came out from behind his desk. We got 'em."

'Wait a minute...did you just double-dip?'

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

'Just because you happen to turn into a wolf during a full moon, dear, doesn't mean you have to act like one!'

"Darling, you're going to have to text our son to ask if he wants some potatoes."

"Okay kids, go wash up. Dinner is ready."

"If you want to do that in the yard, fine, but in here I am not making eye contact with you."

'Richard, control yourself! You're swirling counter-clockwise in public!'

"I'm going to tell the Wagners we can't make their party. Is sending a drone in our place proper etiquette?"

"All my sophisticated payment apps say the same thing - it's your turn to pay."

''How am I?' Tsk, you people who don't do facebook! I've got to make up a status update especially for you, have I?'

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

'On The Face Of It.'

'It's a new idea - a cell phone booth, where people can talk privately without disturbing others.'

'Should have shook hands...' - 'Should have bowed...' - 'Should have read the keynote...'

'Put away that damned smartphone!'