Modern Etiquette Admirer Gifts

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

Let's shake on it.

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

Bachelor gettin giddy from dancing

'Is this your first Henley Regatta?'

Illustration for 'Eleanor's Victory' by Miss Braddon, scene 2.

"Not at the table."

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

Tip responsibly

A vampire preferring to use a napkin when sucking blood.

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

"I forgot my phone."

A guest departing a party.

'I'm getting kind of bored, Jim. Can I put you on hold?'

'Just because you happen to turn into a wolf during a full moon, dear, doesn't mean you have to act like one!'

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

"Darling, you're going to have to text our son to ask if he wants some potatoes."

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

'Don't tap on the glass sweetie.'

"I'm going to tell the Wagners we can't make their party. Is sending a drone in our place proper etiquette?"

'On The Face Of It.'

"All my sophisticated payment apps say the same thing - it's your turn to pay."

'It's a 4-hr DVD on the proper way to hold a wine glass - plus a free 2-year subscription to How to Hold A Wine Glass Magazine!'

King and queen waiting to be seated.

'She's going to be a TV presenter.'

His text said, I challenge you to pistols at dawn, and I replied, C U there, and he replied with a thumbs-up emoji – Do I have to reply to that?