Modern Etiquette Admirer T-Shirts

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Sir, your ducks, they are not in a row."

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

Let's shake on it.

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

'The Boss is coming to dinner tonight - please don't open a can of worms again.'

Bachelor gettin giddy from dancing

'Manners are the noises you don't make while you eat.'

'Is this your first Henley Regatta?'

Illustration for 'Eleanor's Victory' by Miss Braddon, scene 2.

"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

Tip responsibly

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

A vampire preferring to use a napkin when sucking blood.

"I forgot my phone."

A guest departing a party.

Widow advising a man that men often owe their success to the beauty and social charm of their wife.

'I'm getting kind of bored, Jim. Can I put you on hold?'

"Darling, you're going to have to text our son to ask if he wants some potatoes."

'Just because you happen to turn into a wolf during a full moon, dear, doesn't mean you have to act like one!'

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

"All my sophisticated payment apps say the same thing - it's your turn to pay."

'On The Face Of It.'

'Don't tap on the glass sweetie.'

'It's called a 'hat' -- you tip it to women instead of hitting them over the head with a club.'

'It's a 4-hr DVD on the proper way to hold a wine glass - plus a free 2-year subscription to How to Hold A Wine Glass Magazine!'

King and queen waiting to be seated.

'She's going to be a TV presenter.'

"I'm going to tell the Wagners we can't make their party. Is sending a drone in our place proper etiquette?"