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Etiquette and the mobile phone - "Oh hi. I'm on a training course."

"Shouldn't you use a plate?"

"The last doggy bag."

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

"Grace and polish, all bundled up together in one man?"

Civil war, "You shoot first old boy. No, no I won't hear of it"

'Carlton! How many times have we told you not to scarf your food!?'

"Do you have any appetizers that are just fun to play with?"

'The frogs legs kicked the peas off the plate.'

"Mum says I've got to thank you if you gave me anything."

"You're the only one in here who had to ask for a knife and fork."

"You've got a bit of brain on the side of your mouth."

"I am wearing the new bikini you saw...unfortunately, my father saw it too, and made me wear this over it!"

"Oh—pardon the expletive—damn!"

"And remember, the phone goes to the left of the entree fork."

'Just because you happen to turn into a wolf during a full moon, dear, doesn't mean you have to act like one!'

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

"Anderson, Anderson and Andersons - Stephens speaking."

"Both Ears This Way, thank you."

'No need to be concerned. After 30 years I'm finally emerging from this cocoon.'

'It was a complete surprise when the table-setting police arrived. I had no idea I was doing it wrong.'

'Wall hugging won't get you past me without a 'Good morning', Carson.'

"This seat is reserved for the rest of my legs."

'My degree is in the Social Sciences, yet I'm a klutz and don't know one fork from another!'

'Call back some other time. I'm awfully busy ignoring you.'

'Get your hands out of your pocket!'

Handy Pre-made Notes for Modern Life

"Now imagine back when Hansel and Gretel first saw this house and this whole area was still creepy woodland."

'Good grief, you were right, dear, they have all died.'