Business Etiquette Buff Gifts

'I take it you two have met?'

"Actually write thank-you notes to my best customers with a pen and paper? But I wouldn't have spell check!"

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'We need to boost our earnings by giving our earnings a boost.'

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

"I hit reply all too many times."

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

Fisher, this memo of yours, it needs more punch

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

Boss to employee: 'You think you've got burnout? Are you sure it's not dry rot?'

Office computer: 'Thank you for not using me for personal business.'

"I finally got that order off Benson last night. He signed it with a chopstick and soya sauce."

Let's shake on it.

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

"Ssssh. . . it's time for his verbal warning."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"This is a computer speaking. I will now misconnect you and your party."

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

'I'd never bite the hand that feeds me - but I won't pull its finger, either.'

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'