Modern Etiquette Analyst Mugs

"Well, it was nice to see all of you."

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Smoked salmon, sir?" "I prefer to eat it, thanks."

Let's shake on it.

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

"OK, she's back. Just start slowly, and remember to ask her about herself."

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

Unbroken Eye Contact: The Musical

"Eye contact is good, but eye contact without blinking is not."

'Are you a footballer?'

'Do you have to slurp while you eat?'

No Pontificating in the Bean Bag Chair

Man in elevator looking at sign that says 'Stare Here.'

A guest departing a party.

"Darling, you're going to have to text our son to ask if he wants some potatoes."

"How would you like me to answer that question? As a member of my ethnic group, educational class, income group, or religious category?"

'On The Face Of It.'

"May I have this dance, Miss?"

"I'm going to tell the Wagners we can't make their party. Is sending a drone in our place proper etiquette?"

"All my sophisticated payment apps say the same thing - it's your turn to pay."

"OK, gotta go...hey, why is everyone at my table singing the Hallelujah chorus?"

'It's a new idea - a cell phone booth, where people can talk privately without disturbing others.'

"You can't do that, Scott – this is Chicago."

'Put away that damned smartphone!'

Procedure - A Fact.

'Stay for dinner? Are you sure? - We don't want to wear out our welcome.'

Handy Pre-made Notes for Modern Life

"My name's Troy, and I'll be your server tonight." "My name's Fred, and I'll be talking way too loudly about my colon." "I'm still learning my name, and I'll be screaming for no good reason."

"Larry, please, can you give me some space? Like, five miles?"

"You're embarrassing yourself again Edward. If you want a bigger wine glass, just ask the waiter."

Boy Laughs At Man Who Has Fallen Down.

"Hit it. I'm hungry."

Human Cull: People who don't thank you when you hold the door open for them.