Social Detective Gifts

'Now that we've evolved, we should work on our people skills.'

"Excuse me...are you guys talking about me?"

$1: Family Secrets

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

A Young Boy Talking To An Old Gentleman.

Elusive Shadow.

Newton's Law and Order.

Who stole my candy?

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help the Google?"

"...then click 'save settings', scroll down to 'done' and voila! You're on Facebook stalking Miriam's daughter's new husband."

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

"You know something doc, he weirdly kind of resembles you."

'What the hell is this the age of?'

"Before I give you my resume, I'd like to know how thorough you fact check."

"Play the last presidential debate....hold on....first take our all the lies and stuff..."

I CAME. I FOLLOWED. I COMMENTED. I SHARED.

'We're looking for somebody in medical research.'

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

What a nation looks like with a free press and access to information / What a nation looks like with no free press and no access to correct information.

Genealogy Service. Family Trees Traced. I discovered that not only are you heir to an unclaimed family fortune, but I'm your long lost brother Wally!

Boss, the health inspector is here. Excellent. My hacker just finished restoring all the inspector's social media posts dating back to 1994. Tell him "It'd be a shame if someone's career were ruined by a 20-year-old video of him doing the Macarena in the buff." Don't wink too much. But not too little, either. Very bad man.

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

'Would you like my professional advice, or my honest opinion?.'

'D.N.A. tests show that the fuel pump doesn't belong to this car.'

'I let Facebook and My-Space do most of the leg work. I just park outside houses wearing a trilby.'

Rashomon of West 84th Street

Information and Still don't get it.

'Tell me why I should excuse you from serving on jury duty. Be careful what you say. I have been trained to read between the lies.'

"But you really can't trust the media."

What's mom's deal? She thinks we lie to her. Careful with the work "we," my little peck. Girls never lie. That was a whopper!

"Look at these tabloid magazines! Gossip is a venomous misuse of the tongue!"

'We haven't had much luck finding your ancestors. But we did manage to trace that suit you're wearing all the way back to the early 80's.'