Social Charmer Pillows

He wasn't her type, but it was nice to be asked out. It was validating.

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

Dick was the kind of guy who wanted everyone to know it was his birthday.

Online Dating

You're the olive in my martini

"Oooooh....a western wear dog cone. Sexy!"

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

'May I have the key to your heart?'

'Do you come here often?'

Hellbillies.

A guy tries his luck at the water cooler.

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"You have a certain kind of charm, haven't you, Mr. Beadle? Well, that's all right. I'm not totally opposed to charm."

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

Women rush to man with 'I heart emotions' t-shirt.

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

"Warm and rich, fresh and bright, with depth and intensity. Not the wine, you."

"Remember... the cork. You're supposed to smell the cork!"

"Don't think of them as fleas. Think of them as your entourage!"

"So like, it's so cool to finally meet you in person."

"Yeah yeah, nice, but how many online followers do you have?"

"Shaving your head takes the guesswork out of going bald."

Spot's favorite game is "hard to pet".

'I do kiss up, but there's no tongue involved.'

'Do you have anything that smells like wedding bells?'

'I suppose you want to be served.' - 'No, but I wouldn't mind being included in the conversation.'

"My master got my new tags. Now I've got collar ID!"

"I'm working on finding a healthier alternative to sniffing butts."

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

"I just got released from da pound. What's yer name, sweetie?"

"What do I bring to the company? I'm relentlessly cheerful and able to handle pressure."