Soccer Critic Pillows

Off-air comments.

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

Footballer playing for time

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

Free Speech has heavy price.

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

World Cup. Half Empty.

Match Fixing in Malaysia

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

Doping

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

Dog and hedgehog playing football.

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'

Football Applause

'The selectors must be meeting...'