Soccer Critic Prints

Off-air comments.

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Footballer playing for time

Red State Football

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

Free Speech has heavy price.

'My dad's a soccer announcer.'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

World Cup. Half Empty.

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

Doping

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

Match Fixing in Malaysia

Dog and hedgehog playing football.

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'