Sports Media Critic Prints

"Banning A-Rod for the entire season is tragic. However, banning him for the postseason might be a good omen."

Trial by Media

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Squeezing the Free Press.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Donald Trump Playing Golf With Hair On Fire

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

'There's nothing on.'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

I think you're ace

Florida Governor, Rick Scott, cuts funding for rape victims.

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'