Sporting Critics Pillows

Footballer playing for time

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Red State Football

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

Then and Now.

'You better have a hunting license.'

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

Match Fixing in Malaysia

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

Bull with gun

Doping

"I don't know where his dip in form came from."

World Cup. Half Empty.

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

'The selectors must be meeting...'

Marvin preferred the old fashioned way of arguing, before instant replay.

Novak Djokovic

"This part of the match was fixed...errr....sponsered by..."

What's with all the cameras? They're filming seniors for college field hockey recruiters. I'll never be good enough to get admitted. It's just a game. In the real world. No one cared you even played. Then why do they make us do sports? To take your mind off all the college pressure!

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

'Careful with that shotgun, it could go off.' - 'Don't worry, I'm covering the trigger with my finger.'