Sports Television Critic Pillows

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

I think you're ace

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Perils of the double play.

Cricket Accidents.

The Other Cooperstown

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

'He's gonna dunk on me. I just know it.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

Centaur Forward

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"