Football Critic Pillows

World Cup. Half Empty.

FIFA Corruption

Match Fixing in Malaysia

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

Footballer playing for time

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

Free Speech has heavy price.

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

Doping

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

"Wait, all the screaming, and cheering, and swearing – you've been faking liking football the whole time?"

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

Match-fixing (cricket)

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

'Touch me and I'll see you in Strasbourg.'

'This is an amicable split. Coach O'Neill has done a great job. We just have different ideas...'