Football Critic Pillows

World Cup. Half Empty.

FIFA Corruption

Match Fixing in Malaysia

Sepp Blatter

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Gold Medal for IOC boss Thomas Bach in the discipline of Brown-Nosing-Dictators-For-Money.

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Footballer playing for time

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

Red State Football

Free Speech has heavy price.

'Remember young brave to always face evil without fear...To have our tribe on foam and underwear!'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

'My dad's a soccer announcer.'

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

"I'll throw around the 'old pigskin' as long as the pig isn't still in it."

Doping

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

Sara Carbonero Arévalo

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

Avram Grant, Premier League Manager.

"Don't waste your money,dearie-there's only one score draw next Saturday!"

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

"Wait, all the screaming, and cheering, and swearing – you've been faking liking football the whole time?"