Snow Chef Gifts

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"Lori, out here it's my kitchen!"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"He wants to be a plastic surgeon when he grows up."

Rude Snowpeople

'Are you kidding, Billy? We climbed all the way up Everest and you forgot the freaking sleds?!'

'Don't you like it, Dad?'

'Being angry about shovelling snow will only make it harder for you, daddy...you need to just accept the snow...instead of thinking of it as a chore, you hate, make friends with it.'

Man standing in front of giant snowball

"Hell, Mom! How's it look?!" "Holy mackerel."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'The guy who made me is a fan of Magritte.'

'Oh yeah? Well, to hell with tradition. We're building a snow woman!'

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

"It's a snowman, dear. Assembly required."

Making snowmen with a snowblower.

"I'm a guy. The darn kids just thought this was funny."

Solar Range.

"Whoa. How deep is that powder?" "You'll have to ask my wife. I'm standing on her shoulders."

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

"Maybe we should wait until you're a little taller before you put the face on again, huh?"

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!

'Good! And now - by simply shifting your weight - begin to carve a wide, slow turn across the slope.'

Violin Playing Snowman.

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

Snowman Tips Hat... And Head.

"Careful, underneath that layer of snow there's a layer of confusion."

"I wonder why the kids named me Mourinho? I hope it's not because I'll only last a few days..."

Monday. Grab what you can for dinner. I'm shopping for Thanksgiving! Tuesday. I didn't pack your lunches. I'm fixing cranberry relish. Wednesday. Shoo! I'm making the pies! I know how the pilgrims felt. I'm starving!

"Well, for starters, you’re holding the shovel all wrong."