Snooper's Delight Pillows

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Haircuts

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

Dolphins playing on a seesaw.

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

"Can you come back next week? He's napping."

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

The Ultimate Sleeping Bag.

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".

"Woah - random!"

"Don't you just love it when they lick the plates?"

Boring Pianist

"How did you find your steak, sir?"

Trying on boots

"Hold on! Baxter's trying to tell us something..." "The kitchen is on fire"

'I'll give you a tip mate, stop looking down my wife's dress'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

"You've really outdid yourself this time. A real masterpiece!"

Enable your dog to finish the pursuit of the squirrel...Teach your dog how to easily uncork the wine...They can prepare your taxes for you.....and feed themselves.

"When I grow up I want to be a journalist. I love sneaking around and reading journals."

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

"All this just to take a selfy!"

'How's the chilli today?'; 'Much better than yesterday - I think it had a good night's sleep.'

Realistic alarm clock.

"If I say I need to go out, I need to go out."

"In Mexico and El Salvador, they call cake 'pastel.' Colombians and Argentines call it a 'torta.' Puerto Ricans and 'Domicans call it 'bizcocho.' And Cubans call it 'keik.'"

'It's great that they taught you CPR, but I wish they'd also given you breath mints.'

Happy Birthday! Surprise!