Trainspotter's Delight Pillows

"'COST: shedloads, COMPLETION DATE: God knows.' Perhaps you'd care to flesh out some details for us."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'Anorak anoraks'.

'Have you been waiting long?'

Pile of top secret files on a train. Man saying 'Is that seat free'

Latest Railway Marvel.

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

'Gentlemen, invent your engines.'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"The little engine that shoulda coulda woulda."

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

"Honesty, I saw a train yesterday"

Cool Z enters his minimalist period.

Metropolitan Prize Puzzles.

"Conjoined twins were born in a bed on a passenger train. They were separated at berth."

'It will bring economic benefits to the North and Midlands.'

'It's late!...I can only hope late enough.'

A railway station covered in advertising.

'Quicker to cycle anyway, mate...'

'Now we have the chief executive of Wigwam rail, how can you justify the enormous fair increases.'

Emma's Bridal Wear: Gowns Veils Trains

Time Tree

"Sorry we're late - our train was delayed!"

'If you want to know the exact fare you need to buy a ticket. Our prices are linked to the FTSE 100.'

Man met with a horse instead of a carriage at the railway station

Puzzle books - Guaranteed to fry your brain.

Train Of Thought

"Now I'm going to offer a second opinion."

Underground stop on desert island.

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

'Broken down! Mr. Stephenson mend it sir, mend it, its not rocket science.'

'For the benefit of the passenger who joined the train at Watford Junction, this is the non-stop London to Birmingham High-Speed service.'

"Where did this thing come from? It's a major trip hazard if you ask me!"

'I'm putting my husband's card in the bag too... he's a Dentist.'

No, I don't remember Adlestrop, 'cos we shot through at 200mph on HS2.